


Pissing in the Bushes

by quiet__tiger



Category: Batman - All Media Types, Smallville
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Intoxication, M/M, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-23
Updated: 2017-04-23
Packaged: 2018-10-23 00:40:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 783
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10708521
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/quiet__tiger/pseuds/quiet__tiger
Summary: Batman investigates why Superman would be relieving himself behind a gas station.





	Pissing in the Bushes

**Author's Note:**

> After Halloween some friends said they saw Superman peeing behind a gas station, and I wondered what he might be doing there.
> 
> Originally posted to Livejournal Oct. 30th, 2005.

Using the homing device he had planted on Superman's costume months ago "just in case," Batman finally located Superman on a minor highway outside of Metropolis. Closing in on the signal, he landed the Batplane in a nearby field and walked the rest of the way, using a Bat-light to guide his way through the darkness.

He found Superman urinating into the bushes behind a gas station.

"Was the mens room occupied?"

Superman didn't reply; he only stood there, shoulders hunched in the darkness as he finished what he was doing. After a few more moments he appeared to tuck himself in, then turned around.

That was when Bruce saw how *hurt* his teammate looked. Clark's eyes were red from irritation and tears, not heat vision. They also looked hollow, and Clark himself looked lost.

Not good at the consolation thing, Bruce cautiously approached Clark, and when he was close enough he clamped a hand on the brightly-clad man's shoulder. Well, actually Bruce could now see that Superman's uniform was streaked with mud.

"What happened, Superman? Your flight has been erratic enogh for Metropolis PD to call me in, and there have been several accidents that you have not show yourself at, which is not typical behavior for you."

The only response Clark gave was to let his eyes tear up again.

"...Clark?"

Clark lost it, collapsing against Bruce for support, crying into his shoulder. This really couldn't be good.

"Lex left me..." Clark whispered.

Not sure he heard right, Bruce quietly asked, "What?"

"Lex left me!" Clark wailed into Bruce's ear, and that was when Bruce realized how completely intoxicated Clark was.

Like, really trashed, if Bruce could smell it on his breath. And for Clark to even feel tipsy, it took a lot of alcohol- the League had had a pool, just to make it fun to get Clark wasted in an effort to just see how much it took to get Superman drunk. It was research. And a hell of a good time.

But Clark stank, and he was so drunk he could barely stand up. That would explain why he thought it was a good idea to create facilities behind the gas station.

"What do you mean Lex left you?" If Bruce was bad at consolation, he was attrocious at relationship advice.

"He finally got sick of the Superman thing," Clark's breath hitched, "and he told me to choose protecting the world or him. And... and..." Clark's words devolved into a flood of tears.

"It'll, um, it'll be okay, Clark." Bruce spoke softly in case there were people listening nearby.

"How do you know?!" Clark sobbed again, leaning more of his weight against Bruce. Awkwardly, Bruce brought a hand up to rub against Clark's back. He wasn't sure if he could feel it through the cape.

How to go about this? "I don't, for sure. But Lex doesn't love easily, and he doesn't give it up easily, either. You need to talk this through with him. I can't imagine he's having an easy time away from you, either."

Bruce wanted a medal, and he wanted it now.

"But HE left ME. I told him I couldn't give this up, it's what I was destined to do! If anyone should understand destiny, it's him!"

"But remember, he had a different destiny before he met you. You changed him, for the better. And I'm sure he changed you. I know you could never give this up, neither could I, but you're going to have to think of something."

"Help me?"

"I... I can try..."

Clark squeezed Bruce tighter, and Bruce was mighty glad that his suit had so much armor.

"Clark... we should probably go. I can give you a ride in the plane so you don't have to fly home." Clark started to sob again. "Clark... people are staring..." Bruce had caught sight of a family of four that had parked halfway behind the station. They were indeed staring, little girl and boy with mouths agape, parents rightfully confused. As far as they knew, Superman was not only single, he was straight, and therefore had no reason to be upset over losing his male lover.

Or, hugging Batman so tight he was having trouble breathing.

"Clark, let's go." Bruce pried himself out of Clark's arms, and grabbed him by the hand. He wasn't sure Clark would be able to follow him without beng helped. He was pretty bad off. Sobering up as they walked, Bruce hoped, but still pretty bad right now.

"It'll be alright, right?" More sniffles from the Man of Steel. Even he had soft emotions.

"I promise, Clark." Batman didn't break promises if he could help it.

**Author's Note:**

> Sequel: [Passing Out on the Couch](http://archiveofourown.org/works/10708575).


End file.
